Look I get it, it's niche awards ceremony that only a handful of people will end up watching anyway. But that's no excuse for giving the same media outlets who've been decrying metal as immature shcolck, undeserving of the attention paid to "real" musicians, just more wood for their pyres. Things like having an award for "Metal As Fuck"? Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing that turns people off to metal surprisingly. Events like the Golden Gods insures that the only new fans of metal that can be made will be the incredibly superficial ones who stopped listening right around the time you said "Metal As Fuck." And they go on to start new "hardcore" bands of their own with no appreciation for music beyond the image and gimmicks. Do you REALLY wanna be held responsible for another decade of watered down Five Finger Death Punch rip-offs? Or do you wanna foster the next Mastodon? The next Mehsuggah? The next Opeth? Incredibly talented musicians who are drawn to the heaviness of metal and have the imaginations to take it farther.
Anyway I'll be going through the nominees for a handful of categories that will be deiced on by voting, and (because I'm a sucker for award shows), will be offering my predictions And maybe take the time to spotlight some occasionally pleasant surprises that may crop up in this all too predictable affair. As far as I can tell the nominees were originally picked by fan votes through Revolver Magazine. So suffice to say, if it's a band that hasn't been on tour with Metallica or played a concert series sponsored by a sports drink, their not on the list. (Though their is a catagory for "Best Underground". Color me intrigued.)
And yes, of course I'm going through the nominees for "Metal As Fuck" I'd never forgive myself if I didn't.
Best Drummer:
Nominees:
Abe Cunnigham - Deftones
Arejay - Halestorm
Gene Holgan - Dethklok/Testament
Mario Duplantier - Gojira
Neil Peart - Rush
Roy Mayogra - Stone Sour
Who Should Win:
I rested on this one back and forth but in terms of talent alone, I have to give it to Duplantier of Gojira. Gojira aren't the most impressive band out there, but on the list of "accessible" metal bands to newcomers, they certain are the most creative. I wouldn't quite call Duplantier's drumming style to be prog, but he's certainly knocking on the door and shows shades of some of those crazy jazz influences, especially on his fills.
Who'll Probably Win:
There's a huge chance it'll be Duplantier. Abe Cunnigham simply isn't that exciting on Koi No Yokan. But I'd easily give it to him over the ass-hat from Stone Sour (I will NEVER be able to buy these guys as anything more then radio-friendly "hard rock") or Neil "to old for this shit" Peart. I strongly contest that Rush shouldn't be even mentioned around the words "metal". And by this point, pretty much everyone who knows anything about drums, already knows Neil's the best alive. He's been awarded a thousand times over for it, and he may even live forever to heap that praise thanks to his drum solo of life. Though part of me wants to see a crotchety old Neil Peart come up to claim his award, complaining about some punk ass teens who laughed at him in the parking lot the whole time.
Best Guitarist: (AKA Dimebag Darrel Shredder)
Why this simply couldn't have been called "Best Guitar" is beyond me. Sure, defenders will say Revolver Magazine's doing their best to honor the passing of an incredibly influential guitar player. Others like me will say it's a painfully transparent attempt by Revolver to make their made up awards appear more important. But I digress.
Nominees:
Johan Söderberg And Olavi Mikkonen - Amon Amarth
Eric Claderone - Youtube Guy (No shit. That's really his title on the voter's docket)
Paul Waggoner - Between The Buried And Me
Fredrik Åkesson - Opeth
Andy James - Sacred Mother Tounge
Who Should Win:
Holy "sudden change in tone' Batman! Yes, I'll give the readers of Revolver the credit. The voted in some pretty talented shredmasters. As to who should be our winner, I'll take the unpopular position and announce that it shouldn't be Soderberg/Mikkonen or Akesson because they've been DISQUALIFIED on a technicality. Amon Amarth's Sutar Rising and Opeth's Heretiage were both released in 2011, which should make them ineligible. This is coming from a guy who's a fan of both bands and is quite glad that I don't have pick one or the other. So with that out of the way, Waggoner's never really impressed me but that may have more to do with the fact I've always though he was a pretty boring guitarist to watch live. Points would go to Revolver for picking relative new-comers Sacred Mother Tongue to jockey for the Best Guitarist award if it didn't reek to high heaven of corporate shilling behind the scenes; the only reason an otherwise bland band would be getting a mention. That leaves the obvious winner being, no shit, youtube guy. Eric Claderone goes home with this honor. The evidence?
When you're done getting lost in that dreamy smile and those shimmering eyes basking in the metal riffing awesome, you can find him on Youtube playing pretty much ever kind of cover song ever and making it 20% cooler.
Who'll Probably Win:
Revolver's rules for these things are shaky at best and nonexistent at worst, so odds are good that Amon Amarth and Opeth are still on the table, and with that expect the twin shredders of Amin Amarth to take the prize. Heritage may very well be the dullest Opeth have ever sounded.
Best Bassist (AKA Paul Gray Best Bassist)
Another awkwardly named award. Not to besmirch the loss of Paul Gray (Slipknot) in even the slightest. He had friends and family who loved him and by all accounts was a good man. But naming an award after him? Over I don't know just spit balling here but..., Cliff Burton? Who's also dead? A a much much MUCH bigger influence to legions of bass players then the guy from Slipknot? Hell even Chi Cheng struck me as a more talented musician then Gray. No this, stinks of Revolver trying to latch on to someone's death in an attempt for prestige. At least Dimebag's been dead for longer then a few years. Again, stay classy Revolver.
Nominnes:
Geddy Lee - Rush
Jason Newsted - Newsted
Lemmy Kilmister - Motorhead
Rex Brown - Kill Devil Hill
Sergio Vega - Deftones
Steve Harris - Iron Maiden
Who Should Win:
No, no, no, fuck it, no. No established guys as big as Lemmy or Steve Harris should be ever mentioned for these awards. If Revolver's gonna make this a popularity contest at least give the spotlight to some new talent who actually would benefit from the exposure. There are NO other award shows carted to metal and taking advantage of how niche these awards are would be a great way to introduce new bands who are in desperate need for support. As for Geddy Lee, love him to death but Rush may find themselves in the awkward position of being both too famous to deserve winning, and not really popular enough among the average Revolver readership to warrant votes. Jason Nested is not as established (other then causal fans knowing him as "that one guy who was in Metallica"), but the fact he's being nominated for an EP of his band that was only just released in December of 2012, makes it seem premature to say the least. It just hits me now that Rex Brown was once in Pantera. Well shit, I guess everyone's (with the exception of Sergio) established. And they'd want to be nominated for a Golden God why exactly? With that said, Rex Brown was underrated in his time with Pantera and that distinctive tone of his all but defined groove metal. Kill Devil Hill seems like a lackluster outfit that doesn't deserve him, but his bass playing remains as impressive as ever. He's my guy to win it.
Who'll Probably Win:
Sergio Vega's got a shot here and not just on an emotion vote for filling the shoes of Chi Cheng. He adds a ton to Koi No Yokan and is a big part of that all encompassing, ambient wall of sound. He mixes the heavy riffing with the lighter drones like a boss. No one can ever replace Chi as a person and nor should they try. But as a musician, Vega's a clear step above him. Diamond Eyes (the first album he was present on) is every bit as strong as White Pony. With Koi No Yokan he's now two for two.
Best Vocalist:
Nommines:
Chino Moreno - Deftones
Chris Cornell - Soundgarden
Corey Taylor - Slipknot/Stone Sour
Maria Brink - In This Moment
Phil Anselmo - Down/Solo
Lzzy Hale - Halestorm
Who Should Win:
Maria Brink hands down. It pains me that a legion of In This Momment fans will never see her as anything more then eye candy. But she's bursting with talent and has one of the most unique voices I've heard in a good while. From the seductive whispers to the bloodcurdling screams to this oddly soothing baritone she pulls out of nowhere, she can flip ranges at he drop of a hat and is THE reason anyone's even talking about this band legitimately (once you get pass all the obvious creeps) I'm as a big a Chris Cornell fan as anyone else, but Soundgarden don't really need to be here. Suffice to say he sounds as great as ever on King Animal.
Who'll Probably Win:
Not to take anything away from Lzzy who's a vocal titan by her own right. But Revolver hasn't made it anymore obvious that they've fallen in love with her and, judging by the fact that the voters on this contest are readers of Revolver and they've already voted for Lzzy once before (for reasons that have slightly less to do with her musical talent), it's a pretty safe bet it'll happen again.
Metal As Fuck
Told you I wouldn't forget! Okay lets gets this over with.
Nominees:
Sea Shepard - Whale Conservation efforts backed by a fleet of ships; one of them named Gojira. It's a lofty group that has the support of a couple of outspoken celebrities. Their good looking people. And maybe considered terrorists. The band offers their endorsement. Which means something I guess? No seriously, that's were the connection ends. A metal band named after the Japanese name for Godzilla discovers there's a boat out there with their same name fighting whalers by using questionable means, and they've decided to raise money for them through album sales like ever other ass-hat celebrity out there.
Bugerkill - Emerging from Indonesia to set the metal world on fire in a predominately Muslim country. Not exactly a repeat of the Accrasicadu story (for those who haven't' seen Heavy Metal In Baghdad, check it out), as Bugerkill's not the lone wolf metal band of Indonesia. But there's something to be said about trying to slug it out in a country for 16 years were ticket sales are hard to come by because your government still thinks you're music speaks to the devil.
Jason Newsted - Getting over the fact that he was kicked out of Metallica years ago, along with a stint in physical rehab, to release an EP from his new band that's simply his last name over what have to be the most self-esteem deprived guys ever.
Nergal - "for speaking out against religious intolerance" sounds pretty impressive at first.Then you find out that he's "speaking out" was more of calling the Catholic Chruch "the most murderous cult on the planet" and tearing up a bible on stage. Granted the Polish government are being complete tools by criminalizing him. What he did was stupid and in some circles we'd call it hate speech, but no one got hurt. Because apparently they are NO problems in Poland that could possibly be more important then what some asshole form a metal band thinks of religion. Nergal (AKA Adam Darski), points are not rewarded for speaking your mind. Lots of people can do that. You get points for speaking out against real religious intolerance when you have something to say that's slighty more profound then a 15 year old atheists who's just discovered 4chan.
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Pussy Riot - The Golden Gods honers them for standing up to Putin and being jailed for playing loud, angry music decrying the Church. More less THE Church of Moscow. Vladimir Putin is a vile man who has used his bullshit cult of personality to run his nation like a dictator in all but name, and he's a master of using the media and public perception to make his will felt and ally the citizens of Russia with him (whether they like it or not). It's very punk rock what Pussy Riot did and for all the speculation that this was attention move, the fact that the group tuned down the opportunity to tour with some of the biggest names in music (when pretty much everyone who was anyone declared support of the band), they turned down the offer. See as much as Pussy Riot loves freedom of speech, they apparently hate the shit out of capitalism and are perfectly willing to be poor and/or jailed to speak their minds. You just don't get that kind of dedication from today's punks.
Who Should Win:
Could it be the one I didn't make any sarcastic remarks about? Yeah Pussy Riot's got this. The Burgerkill story's a close second though.
Who'll Probably Win:
Pretty much everyone was talking about Pussy Riot then and there's a great chancethat the rest of the nominees haven't even been heard of. With the exception of Jason Newsted who's about as "Metal" as he is "Fuck". Which is a clumsy way of saying he isn't either.
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Most Dedicated Fans
Honestly I have no idea how one even goes about measuring this, and it really does feel exactly like the kind of brainless question you'd find at the back of a magazine.
Nominees:
A Day To Remember
Black Label Society
Black Veil Brides
Him
Rammstein
Slipknot
Who Should Win:
*pulls hair* *grunts* *throws pen* *slams head*......OKAY. The prize is technically to the most devoted fanbase. So Slipknot's fanbase has been strong over the years and with the death of their bass player Paul Gray, compounded with the fears that they may not tour again as Slipknot, has gotten the troops united. Black Label Society fans have tended to be more Ozzy fans and the lack of many Ozzy dates in the States, along with the fact that Zakk Wylde was kicked out of Ozzy's group may have dwindled the fan numbers. As for Him I'd say- Stop it. No just no. Fuck. No. This is a horrible award. With the exception of Rammstein, all of these bands blow unbelievably hard and the prize goes to which ever fanbase is willing to debase themselves and their dignity the most. Fuck it, Rammstein. Rammstein wins. They don't have to rely on the cheap gimmick of having a tacky, obnoxious fanbase of teeny boppers to get it. No, Rammisten accomplishes this by being equal parts crazy awesome and "oblivious to basic fire safety"
Who'll Probably Win:
Black Veil Brides or A Day To Remember. They succeed mostly by hitting that sweet spot of highest amount fans + largest amount of disposable income + potentially in middle school.
Best New Band
Nominees
Device
Ghost
Kvelertak
Miss May I
Of Mice And Men
Young Guns
Who Should Win:
Device gets disqualified right off the bat for officially being only weeks old. But for those who are curious, it's an actually surprisingly good mixture of David Draiman doing the exact same thing he's been doing for years with Disturbed, only backed by an industrial metal sound. Ghost gets disqualified on the grounds that I have no idea who the hell they are. A simple search revels a handfull of bands ranging form screamo to post technical death, across 6 or so countries. So they get disqulfied for having depressingly limited imaginations. That leaves Miss May I and Of Mice Men (two interchangeable poppy "hardcore" ), the Young Guns (boring radio-ready alt metal) and Kvelertak (a psychotic sounding, blues influenced, rock n' roll, punk soaked, sludge fest built around a guy who's screaming at you in Norwegian). Yeah this one's an obvious winner. Kvelertak take it home and points to Revolver for giving these guys the exposure.
Who'll Probably Win:
Of Mice And Men and Miss May I sound just a little bit TOO similar. So similar that even the same fans of this kind of shcolck will be painful aware of how uncreative they are. So I'm hinging on Young Guns to take it.
Best Underground
Nominesses
Uncle Acid and The Deadbeats
The Algorithm
Black Breath
Royal Thunder
Hexvessel
Who Should Win:
Uncle Acid and The Deadbeats are disqualified for having their debut released in 2013. (I'm starting to wonder if I'm just being a stickler for the rules that are tenacious at best at this point). But totally recommend them. They have a great stoner rock feel to them. If you've ever gotten to that point where you were just high enough to wonder "Dude! What if John Lennon was in Black Sabbath...?", this is the band for you. I've got to say though, this categorie's nominees really impressed me with nary a bad one in the bunch. Black Breath are probably the most accessible, playing an anger hardcore doom-infused sound, but it rattles with very real aggression as opposed to marketed aggression. And Hexvessel caught me completely by surprise by being the least hard thing probably in this whole awards show. Think folk metal, subtract the metal, then add Hobbits. They are my clear choice for the simple reason I know they stand no chance of winning but I doubt they'll care on The Shire.
Who'll Probably Win:
Black Breath. See above for "most accessible". And as popular as EDM has gotten (The Algorithm blend it interestingly with with brutal riffing and wisely chose to leave out vocals), saying "electronic music" is all but a swear word in these circles.
Album Of The Year
Nominees
Gojira - L'Enfant Sauvage
Halestorm - The Strange Case Of...
Marylin Manson - Born Villian
Stone Sour - House Of Gold And Bones Pt. 1
Soundgarden - King Animal
Deftones - Koi No Yokan
Who Should Win:
Deftones hands down. As much as I love Soundgarden (and loath the fact that they're being included in this "awards" show) King Animal is a far from their strongest work. Halestrom's album, short of a few great singles, is pretty cut and dried. I'd completely forgotten Marylin Manson was even a factor in music anymore. And Stone Sour have now become the worst kind of douche by attempting the dreaded concept album. Yeah not buying it.
Who'll Probably Win:
With the death of Chi Cheng on many minds, this could be the Deftones night. Failing that Halestorm. Kinda hard to ignore the band you've booked two years in a row to play at your rewards show.
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